Death for Death- Because it's torture for the family of the deceased to exist knowing that the killer breathes.

The debate of capital punishment and death sentence is a never-ending and an ongoing one for many years now. I still remember the final year of my undergraduate studies when this debate fired up again due to the death sentence of Yakub Memon. I was and still am, all for capital punishment and death sentence. In India a convict is punished by death in the rarest of rare cases and I feel that this needs to be widened a bit more.

A life taken should be punished by a life taken. Although I understand that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. But I also know how difficult it is to breathe every moment knowing that your loved one has burned to ashes, while the one who got him/ her there, breathes and walks freely.

Being an Army Officer’s daughter I may have some of my opinions clouded and biased because the thought of killing all the ‘bad guys’ and saving my father and his fellow soldiers, was something I was born in. But then I lost my brother in a road accident where the man who rammed his car in my brother’s bike was driving at a speed of 130 km/h in a residential area and that too under the influence of alcohol. Since that day, it aches me every moment, that my brother, who was a very safe and efficient driver lost his life while a drunk, goon, driving recklessly, just for fun or thrill, I don’t know, walks, talks, breathes and exists, while we lead our lives with a constant void.

If the justice system would ask me, what punishment does this culprit deserve? The culprit of changing my life, my parents’ lives and snatching all the moments, dreams and aims, we as a family had, deserves nothing but death.

While growing up, I have also been on the other side of the fence where I believed in forgiveness and the belief that only God has the right to take and give life. But as I grew up and saw so many people committing heinous crimes, I started to believe that capital punishment is a justified form of punishment for those criminals and law breakers, who have committed crimes that have changed the victim and the victim’s family’s lives forever. 

My reasons for believing so strongly in taking a life of a human being as a form of punishment are several. 

No human being has the right to take another human being’s life, no matter what the circumstances are, and if one does, then do we really need them to exist in a society where they can just kill someone? A society has rules, and for those violators of these rules we have a justice system. The justice system is not a correctional system, it has to punish the culprits, not only to instil fear in prospective criminals but also to value ‘life’. But when there is no ‘life’ to value, then what’s the punishment for? Taking someone’s life is the most unforgivable and unconscionable sin. The takers of life, need their lives to be taken as well. I have never felt so deeply about capital punishment as I do now, because my blood boils, every time my parents and I have to go to a court hearing and look at the man who drove drunk and reckless and cost my brother’s life. 

I still remember an incident where a 5 year old girl was raped and murdered near my residence in Gurgaon. My first thought of punishment for the rapist and murderer was death. The crime that he committed clearly shows him as incapable of existing and functioning in a society. If he can feel free to rape and murder a 5 year old, then the justice system should feel free to eradicate such monsters from our society to make it a safer place for little girls at least. If even babies aren't safe, what are we headed for then?

I have grown up reading and hearing several terrorist activities that kill hundreds of innocent beings. Armies are deployed to tackle these terrorist organisations and keep their nations' citizens' safe. I have lived in the fear of not knowing whether my father will survive another operation he's embarked upon in the valleys of Jammu and Kashmir. To know that we are sacrificing our nations' sons to defend and keep us safe while there are innocent people dying due to bomb blasts and terrorist attacks, what punishment deems fit to punish those who are killing the innocents?

Nothing but death. How do you expect the survivors or families of the deceased to live with the fact that the ones who changed their lives 180 degrees, still live, breathe and feed even if it is behind bars? It's just not right.

Those who are disturbing peace and the balance in life and the universe, taking matters of life and death in their own hands, need to be given a taste of their own medicine.

Even if terrorists are arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment, it is no news that they end up running their terrorist organisations and rackets from within the jail as well. So, honestly no justice is served till they are punished by death, the same what they did should be done to them.

We know that these are dangerous people committing such heinous acts, and these kind of people cannot be put back into the society for the simple reason, which is safety of others. 

When the Nirbhaya rape case happened in Delhi, I was in class 12, and being a resident of Gurgaon (NCR) we were all really shocked and distressed about the state of affairs in Delhi and NCR when it came to Women’s safety. My brother and I, participated in the candle light march that took place among the residents of Gurgaon, as an extension of the protests that were taking place in Delhi. The kind of discussions and questions that were being raised, the absurd comments by various speakers on television, and eventually the passing away of Nirbhaya, accompanied by the entire juvenile discussion and decision that the court made in favour of one of the rapists, made me extremely angry, thinking of how her parents, her friends are going to breathe and live with the fact that her, rapists are still breathing? 

I started thinking then, of a personal experience of being stalked in the late evening while I was returning from my tuitions, and there was a gang of three ‘Gundas’ who were right behind me, till my mom came to my rescue and I just hopped into her car, absolutely speechless and scared to my wits. And the next day, one of them was riding his bike in semi circles around me and harassing me while I was returning home, again. My friends’ father, a politically active and well networked man, got that guy beaten up and took my brother along to witness the bashing. However, after that my parents and I were even more scared. Fearing an acid attack or worse things that the guy along with his gang, might plot against me, as means of revenge. All of this happened during the time of protests in Delhi in 2012. It made me want to put myself in Nirbhaya’s parents’ shoes, and nothing less than death for all the rapists, seemed even close enough to whatever minimal justice it could serve. While I am completely aware and understand that taking someone’s life isn’t going to bring someone else back, but at least knowing that the perpetrators of such heinous crimes don’t exist anymore, to repeat those acts, and that they and their families have been given the same pain, that one’s own family goes through, it brings at least some solace, because there is nothing worse than knowing that someone who inflicted so much pain upon you and your family, is still alive, breathing and existing, when clearly they don’t deserve it. 

In my clear opinion, any criminal act, wherein the victim either ends up dead, (whether directly or indirectly), or is harmed in a way that is beyond repair and the victim’s entire life is going to be spent in mental or physical trauma or both, that completely changes the victim’s life (for example, rape victims, acid attack victims, murderers, honour killing cases, criminals involved in human trafficking etc.), such criminals deserve to die. No one has the right to take someone’s life and if they do, then they don’t deserve to live. Plain and simple.

“In a submarine either all come up, or none come up. There is no alternative”

Sitting with a large peg of Old Monk and cigarettes, submariner G Factor doesn’t talk to girls, drink, and smoke or eat non vegetarian food on a Tuesday, in lieu of his Bhagwan Hanuman. If one were to meet G Factor in person, they would see a stout and childlike person, jumping all over the place. Unstoppable is the word for him, not just as a hyper child, but also as a true soldier who’s curious to test all kinds of waters (literally) and push himself constantly.

G Factor hails from a village in Jhunjhunu district, Rajasthan and is the third generation of his family to join the Indian defence forces. His grandfather was in the Army and fought in the 1962, 1965 and 1971 wars. His father was in the Army too along with his brother who is currently a Major in the Army. “I always wanted to join the Army, being an Army brat I was almost born with an aim to join the Army but my stars chose the Navy for me”

After getting commissioned into the Indian Navy in 2011, G Factor went on to become a diver and then a submariner. Why? He doesn’t have a fancy story as to why he became a submariner, his ideas in life are pretty straight forward and clear. He likes something, he goes after and gets it. “I saw the submariner badge on another officer and I wanted one too, so I got it”, laughs G Factor.

Under 100 metres of water, there is no distinction between an officer and a sailor. “Unlike ground duty or ship service, we eat with our sailors, take turns using the same two toilets on board and serve with our sailors. The 90 submariners under the water are all that we have as company. No TVs, no cell phones nothing. It’s one for all and all for one.”

Talking about life in a submarine, G Factor says, “We get sad in life when we see someone else with something that we don’t have. But in a submarine everyone has nothing just each other, so sadness is out of the window, everyone is in as deep waters as you”.

With no complaints about food under water he says, “The food is like the ghar ka khaana. It’s the most important thing for a man to function. If the food going in is good, then you can tread any waters”.

Submarines go more than 200 metres under water and work on sonar i.e. sound navigation and ranging technology. “It is a myth that a submarine can be detected by human voices inside a submarine. It is very difficult to detect sonar under water”.

Unlike a warship, where the Captain goes down with a sinking warship, submarines go down with all. “In a submarine either all come up, or none come up. There is no alternative”, says G Factor.

When asked about the biggest challenge that he faces, G Factor smiles and says, “It’s difficult for a single man in the white uniform and a submariner badge, to keep the ladies away”.

NOTE: The name of the officer has been changed upon request.

What is Learning?

I bunked college today, missed my presentations and assignment submissions, and went on a road trip with my friends from Mumbai to Fort Tikona near Lonavala, Maharashtra. 

I kept thinking of my classmates sitting inside four walls, learning, growing and educating themselves for a professional life ahead. But as I drove towards Lonavala, sitting amongst three Indian Naval officers, listening to their conversations about India, China and US defence forces, I wondered if this isn’t learning as well.

Does education mean attending classes for attendance and feeling pressurised about beating your fellow classmates for a better placement to start a never-ending journey of surviving capitalism?

The fear of low attendance in a diploma course filled me up. Looking out of the window at the infinite greenery, as if right out of my favourite novel Jane Eyre, I tried to put that fear out of my mind and just live that moment. The words of my undergraduate professor, Dr. Colaco, echoed in my head, “Stop existing ladies, and start living.”

The green life all around the four of us took us away to a world where money, career and the world outside couldn’t bother us. We were too immersed in capturing the beauty through our eyes, taking a mental picture of the natural beauty that our country has to offer, exploring hidden architectural gems and trekking our way to the top of Fort Tikona.

On reaching the Fort, the moment we saw the scenic view of Pawna village and Pawna Lake, nothing that our lives were made of, mattered. The connection with Nature and Planet Earth, as the Lord made it, the closeness of four friends panting and laughing, made me forget all my fears and mutter to myself, “It was all worth it, Hina.”

Standing atop Fort Tikona, looking at the lake cutting between two mountains of nothing but green, I realised that whether learning from the words of an experienced professor or learning from your own experiences, learning happens everywhere, every time and every place. However, I know I will not be graded for collecting my own experiences. I will be marked absent for not sitting inside four walls and listening to the experiences of my professors and words on papers, but at least I was present for my present and I have no regrets. 

‘What is learning?’ will remain a question for each individual to answer for themselves. If we seek validation and an answer to this exclusively from others, then we'll never be learners, we'll merely be passers of information.

I will be looked down upon, by my parents and teachers for not doing the minimum that is required of a student: attending classes. I will feel ashamed for extending my long weekend to another weekend and travelling, but will these questions matter a few years from now when I will look back at my trek to Fort Tikona and understand how Shivaji laid his Fort defences? 

No they won’t, because who hasn’t bunked college and missed assignments? 

I’m glad I bunked one form of learning, only for another.

My friends at Fort Tikona, who I will forever be grateful to, for taking me along on a beautiful learning experience. 

"Green Tea Is Supposed To Be Had Hot, Hina."

Dated: 9 August 2017

 I Just made myself a cup of hot green tea.

While waiting for it to cool down a bit,

My lips curl up into a smile

I remember your taunt from just few days back,

“Btw, Green tea is supposed to be had hot, Hina.”

And so I decided to take a walk down our memory lane with some words.

No it’s never easy.

If you want easy, then don’t be serious.

No one writes about the uglies and the dirt,     

It’s always about the pretty and the lurve.

But no, it’s never easy.

You stumble, he falls,

Then you walk ahead, leaving him behind,

But then you walk back, lift him up,

dust off their shoulders and teach them love.

To be loved, you need to love first.

For no one knows what it is,

till they’ve seen it and felt it.

The love most talked about after mother, father, siblings and family,

Is the love of two strangers and unrelated humans.

As strangers we meet, whether as friends,

Students, colleagues, classmates etc.

But no it’s never easy.                                                                                                                                Everything takes time.

Time is what builds and heals

Time is what makes you weak.

Weak in the knees for another

And strong to hold on to,

When your better half is under the weather.

No it’s not been easy.

You’ve been you,

I’ve been me

And we’ve struggled with our pieces,

Trying to figure out where it might fit perfectly.

Till the end of times,

Till death do us part,

Till eternity

Blah blah

These are all words used to express and give structure

To a relationship,

Structure to love

But there is no structure to love.

When it’s love it’s just that.

LOVE.

No definition, no expression

Not easy, and something that stays with you forever.

Because till forever we’ll keep trying to finish the puzzle,

But darling,

Our imperfect pieces will complete the puzzle one day.

And that’s the day

We’ll be sitting on a porch sipping on some green tea

While you taunt me“Green tea is supposed to be had hot, Hina”

And I’ll caress your bald head and say

“U**u, we made it.”

That'll be the day when my cold Green Tea will seem hot enough to you.  (:

I miss what i lived

I miss

Being blessed and not knowing it

Being alive in a good time but not appreciating it

Being fortunate but taking it for granted

Being at the end of the tunnel but acting blind

Being happy and not knowing it

Being intelligent but doubting it

Being independent but not aware of it

Sleeping well and enough but always being sleep deprived

Being well fed and healthy yet feeling conscious
Being cheerful but complaining about depression

Being surrounded by population but being a drama queen for attention

Being around people yet looking for silence

Being loved yet not knowing it

Being cared for but wanting a break

Being appreciated but not feeling special enough
Being able to wow crowds with a mike on stage, but worrying about never being as good as Whitney Houston

Being a younger sister but being irritated by an overprotective brother

Being a happy family of four, but fighting over a mother’s love

Being a smiling face in the family selfie, but complaining about being the fat nose of the house

Being healthy but unhappy with my body

Being sprinkles but worrying about being vanilla

Having everything but complaining about having nothing

Having everything perfect but whining about the tiny imperfections

I miss
Being Hina.

Now,

I can just miss, reminisce and kiss,

Miss, the life I was given, with tears in my eyes

Reminisce, the days I was blessed with

Kiss the photographs of the people I had

For, the days are gone

And
Life has now moved on to a time

Where memories and past is all that was good and beautiful

And lies ahead,

A life with a constant pain while hugging your family

Tears gleaming in the laughter with friends

Sorrow accompanying you to bed

Regretting and not thanking enough,

The life I lived

The days it rained happiness

The blessings overlooked

The lights never switched on

The health never appreciated

The people never hugged enough

The egos never pushed aside

The talents never bloomed

The intelligence never penned down

And all wonderful times I owned.

They were mine.

WERE.

For now they are gone.

And will never come back.

If you’re reading this till the end and comprehending,

Here’s what I have to say to you.

Dear Reader,

Don’t miss.
Live. Do.

Live enough, push the boundaries and live a little more.

Don’t underestimate the value of families, siblings, friends, people.

They shape a lot of who we are.

Thank them, love them, live with them

Because, One day when they’re gone,

We’ll have no one to take granted for.
And we'll lose a piece of our own, that we didn't know of.

One day when those good, fortunate days are gone,

We’ll have nothing to take granted for.

Don't be the line of the Band Perry song,

"Funny when you're dead, how people start listening"

Don't wait for your death, to listen to your life

Don't wait for your own-self's death to realise.

Because then they are just memories as frozen as ice,

Melting thereafter, just as tears in our eyes.

Don't wait for your death, to know what you lived.

Picture Credits: Manpreet Singh

My shoes are too big for your feet

You all seem to have something or the other to say

Curses, complaints, whatever suits your ways

She’s not the same, she’s changed

She doesn’t take initiatives, she’s lame

Sadistic, self-pitying, excusing

The most appalling things you people have to say

Now here’s a picture I’m going to paint

I know you’ll fall short of imagination

To comprehend, what I’m trying to say

And I hope and pray you never have to paint one for yourself.

Here’s the picture,

Imagine the 20 years of your life that you’ve lived,

Get topsy turvy and take a 180 degree spin,

Over. Finished. Never coming back.

A new settlement that you have to make with yourself

Each day when you flip the calendar to a new date,

You start thinking of survival ways.

Wake up in the morning,

Wishing you never did.

Look at the clock,

12 hours of the day to go,

Before, again, the nightmares hit.

Take the pills to put you to bed,

It’ll get better with time,

They all said.

It’ll never get better,

The better is over.

What lies ahead the remaining days of life,

Is a new normal.

A normal that is with constant pain, grief and of course unanswered questions for the ways of the universe.

A normal where you’ve known the best days stored in the brain.

Under a file named 20 years and 11 months of my life.

A normal where random tears flow from the eyes,

Of sadness, reminiscence, nostalgia.

And you’re surrounded by humans like you, my dear friends,

Who will never comprehend.

For them, you are not the same,

You have changed.

And you want to scream and shout

To their faces.

This is what you want to say.

YES OF COURSE I HAVE CHANGED.

MY 20 YEARS 11 MONTHS THAT YOU WERE A SMALL PART OF,

THOSE YEARS AND THAT TIME IS OVER.

WHAT LIES AHEAD, IS OF COURSE CHANGED.

MY LIFE TOOK A SPIN I DON’T WISH UPON MY FOES EVEN,

A SPIN THAT HAS MADE ME LOOK AT YOU EVEN DIFFERENT

IT’S LIKE A BAD BRAIN INJURY THAT HAS CHANGED MY COGNITIVE ABILITIES FOREVER

It’s not a hangover that will pass over the day.

You definitely held hands, laughed, played

While the VIBGYOR colored the days of my life

But a friend told me once,

We all praise the rains and wait for it eagerly,

But when the VIBGYOR vanishes and the skies cry,

We run to the nearest shelter and curse,
for it disrupted our daily lives.

I disrupted the way our conversations took place,

I disrupted the cheery mood we shared.

But I’m not going to apologize for causing you this inconvenience

Because the Gods didn’t do it either when they spun my life around.

You go on with your jobs and higher studies,

And I am the happiest for you and shower you with blessings,

I hope you reach the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs,

Get all the success, name, fame, and fortune, whatever you wish for.

But I ask you one thing and only that,

Don’t judge me for my change, where I grieve and survive (and change, I definitely will.)

Because I don’t judge you for your fortunate and happy lives that you live.

Let’s let each other be in peace,

For my shoes are too big for your feet.

The brain is a clever piece of flesh

Memories, Remembrances, Nostalgia, Recollection, Reminiscence

Words, synonyms

All heading the same way

The past.

Brain, the body part that latches on to things, events, happenings

Good, bad, ugly

But it’s a cunning piece of shit,

To always fondly remember the good past

And miss it, wish it back.

And the ugly, thank the lords gladly that it’s over.

The brain be a twisted piece of flesh.

From the moment I open my eyes to the sun in my room,

To the shutting off of lights and pulling up the blanket.

Brain remembers him everywhere,

In everything.

Hope is another dark place

Could lead to more darkness,

Or to the tunnel leading to the light

But it’s better than knowing for sure

Because you don’t know what you don’t know

I would take the past days of uncertainty

Over the current certainty, the reality any day.

The certainty of the changed existence

Of those around me, for all the days left that we survive.

The brain was convulated, Numb, Uncomprehending

For those 3 days

But there was hope,

Hope for things to be eventually alright

But that’s all that it remained

Hope.

Never grew into certainty

But what became certain the 3rd night

When I heard the words,

“His last 2 hours”

It’s over.

The 20 years and 11 months of my life were over.

What lay ahead was a lifetime of Memories, Nostalgia, Remembrance, Recollection, Reminiscence

Of the good days,

Better days,

Of sanity

Because all I could see ahead

And my heart knew,

Was madness, chaos, unfathomable existence

No way out, just the one door

The one door that is survival

Each day at a time.

But the brain,

If only the brain would let me,

This clever piece of flesh,

Recalls an attached memory of his

Everything and every point it notices,

Leeches on to it and refuses to let go.

So even I can’t let go,

And so I survive as the top flesh commands

Remember and recall all attached memories

All to everything.

Everything. Anything.

Everywhere. He is.

Everything.