The Metro Honey Bee

I'm just sitting listening to my tunes while my head is resting on the glass side of my seat on the metro. I'm looking straight ahead nonchalantly, at two ladies sitting diagonally opposite to me on my right. Suddenly one lady starts slapping her left arm and the one next to her is pointing out on her arm where a strand of hair or an insect was, I didn't know at the time.

Suddenly the First Lady starts slapping her right arm and then, there in the grey background of the floor of the metro is a darker-than mustard-coloured honey bee just flying. It flew towards the metro door which was on my right side. It flew and probably landed on the floor just chilling, minding its own business. 

The Second Lady who was pointing out the location of the honey bee to the First Lady, frowned and gave a confused look to the honey bee on the grey floor. 

The next second the First Lady got up took two steps on the grey floor of the metro and then the third on the honey bee.

There it was lifeless now, just lying there for the metro cleaning crew to wipe it up in the next cleaning schedule.  And I sat there, wondering why doesn't it deserve any grief and funeral rituals?

It was a living, breathing soul after all.

The scene did attract some stares and looks from the other ladies sitting in the metro compartment but no words or actions. Probably because we were witnesses to a sin many of us have committed at some point in our lives. It felt rather cruel but we've all been guilty of killing a fly, honey bee, cockroaches, mosquitoes at some point in our lives.

We the giants in the small world of insects are criminals and cold blooded murderers and yet we don't mind because they aren't one of our own. Had it been a human killing another of human race the culprit would be behind bars or at least being tried for it.

If we show a little less cruelty and more kindness towards the small world of insects and smaller beings maybe we'll emit some energy and good vibes in our giant world too. 

And maybe we'll not wish our enemies dead, as often as we do.

Let's try? What's the worse that can happen? You'll have to spare a few cockroaches and flies and be a contributor to their growing numbers. But isn't it going to be a good feeling when they go back alive to their small world after a scary visit to the giant world? It's good Karma. :)

Long live the soul of the deep mustard coloured honey bee.

Immortal Tina

Tina returned to Mumbai after ten years. Her purpose was the same as last time, to be immortal.

She got out of the airport after a 22 hour flight from New York. She was surprised at the changes she witnessed while waiting for her cab. Mumbai now had Starbucks, Zara, forever 21, almost all her favourite brands that pulled her to New York ten years back. She got in her Uber with the fishy smell and sweat beads of Mumbai, filling her nose and upper lips, respectively. On the sea link she listened to the same song, which she had 10 years ago; Allah Ke Bande by Kailash Kher.

Seeing the change around, she felt an ache. ‘if this city could change, why couldn’t my scans?’ She wondered.

After passing the transformed South Mumbai and upon reaching the gateway of India, her heart beat faster and the hair on her neck rose. While walking towards the majestic Gateway, looking at families clicking selfies and feeding pigeons, she took out her polaroid image from 2007 and searched for the floor tile where she had etched herself immortal in 2007.

Upon finding the tile, she cleared off the shells and chains that covered her writing. It read, ‘Tina was here and so was her cancer-2007.’

She grabbed the nearest stone she could find and etched, ‘Tina is back and so is her cancer- 2017.’ With her chemo lost hair she clicked another polaroid and kept it in her wallet. Breathing in the fishy smell and wiping off the sweat beads from her upper lip, she smiled and treated herself and the pigeons around her to some bhel.

The Italian Soul Sister

I reached Kalanagar bus stop in Bandra to board the overnight Atmaram Volvo for Goa. It was my first time travelling alone in a bus all the way to Goa without telling my parents that I was doing so. In their mind I was with a group of 11 friends. I was travelling because I wanted to do a solo trip to Goa and also planned to meet my boyfriend, Udit, who was posted in Karwar, which is around four hours away from Goa. 

While I was waiting for the bus that was scheduled to arrive at 10:30pm, I was frantically looking around for a female companion who might be travelling by the same bus. I looked around and heard a man asking about the Atmaram bus to Goa. He was waiting with his friend who was travelling to Goa. I walked up to the man and asked him whether he and his friend were travelling by the 10:30pm Volvo. He told me that his friend, Luna from Italy, was travelling to Goa and he was just waiting with her for the bus. He introduced me to Luna and it turned out that it was her first time travelling alone in India by an overnight bus to Goa and she was just as desperately looking for a female traveller to feel safe and reassured. 

That’s how I met my soul sister, Luna Pagani from Verona, Italy. She is shorter than me, must be around five feet two inches, has curly brown hair and wears glasses quite identical to mine. She rolls her own cigarettes, which was very impressive because she took hardly two minutes, by the clock, to roll one cigarette. Our fear of travelling alone is what got us talking, sharing cigarettes and holding bags in turns while the other used the stinky washrooms of the bus stops.

Luna confessed very shyly that her English is not that great and that turned out to be true. It took me several conversations with her at the bus stand to finally understand and comprehend her accent and words. Once we reached Goa and I introduced her to Udit, all three of us travelled together to Palolem beach in South Goa. She kept thanking me and Udit for giving her a ride to Palolem and opened up a lot more once she was assured of the fact that we are ‘genuine people to help her’, as she said. She told us that she was in India for a college project through AISSEC (Association Internationale des Etudiants en Sciences Economiques et Commerciales) which is a global student organisation. Her project was research and teaching children of slums. She finished her project 11 days early and so for the remaining days she planned to travel and Goa was her first trip. Luna is a waitress in Verona and has a boyfriend whom she’s been dating for five months. 

On the drive to Palolem beach, where Luna had booked her stay in a hostel, she kept telling me that she loved the music playing in the car and she will save it on her phone so that when she goes back to Italy she can listen to it and remember India and some ‘special friends’ she made here. I told her that Udit and I constantly fight over the music that will play in the car to which she replied in her Italian accent saying, “You both are too cute, you fight but you also love so much, it’s cute.”

All three of us spent the evening at the Palolem beach, teaching her Hindi words for ‘love’ and she taught us swear words in Italy which Udit and I constantly use with each other even now. After dropping Luna off at the hostel we confirmed the plan for the next day which included showing her Karwar and driving down to Om beach, Gokarna which is in Karnataka. Luna left a text message that night which touched my heart. After spending just few hours with her she felt so close as to wish me goodnight and tell me that she’s glad she met me. 

Luna and I spoke a lot after that and found similarities that made us feel as if fate wanted us to meet. She’s been my soul sister from Italy since then and is eagerly waiting to dance at my wedding soon!

Death for Death- Because it's torture for the family of the deceased to exist knowing that the killer breathes.

The debate of capital punishment and death sentence is a never-ending and an ongoing one for many years now. I still remember the final year of my undergraduate studies when this debate fired up again due to the death sentence of Yakub Memon. I was and still am, all for capital punishment and death sentence. In India a convict is punished by death in the rarest of rare cases and I feel that this needs to be widened a bit more.

A life taken should be punished by a life taken. Although I understand that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. But I also know how difficult it is to breathe every moment knowing that your loved one has burned to ashes, while the one who got him/ her there, breathes and walks freely.

Being an Army Officer’s daughter I may have some of my opinions clouded and biased because the thought of killing all the ‘bad guys’ and saving my father and his fellow soldiers, was something I was born in. But then I lost my brother in a road accident where the man who rammed his car in my brother’s bike was driving at a speed of 130 km/h in a residential area and that too under the influence of alcohol. Since that day, it aches me every moment, that my brother, who was a very safe and efficient driver lost his life while a drunk, goon, driving recklessly, just for fun or thrill, I don’t know, walks, talks, breathes and exists, while we lead our lives with a constant void.

If the justice system would ask me, what punishment does this culprit deserve? The culprit of changing my life, my parents’ lives and snatching all the moments, dreams and aims, we as a family had, deserves nothing but death.

While growing up, I have also been on the other side of the fence where I believed in forgiveness and the belief that only God has the right to take and give life. But as I grew up and saw so many people committing heinous crimes, I started to believe that capital punishment is a justified form of punishment for those criminals and law breakers, who have committed crimes that have changed the victim and the victim’s family’s lives forever. 

My reasons for believing so strongly in taking a life of a human being as a form of punishment are several. 

No human being has the right to take another human being’s life, no matter what the circumstances are, and if one does, then do we really need them to exist in a society where they can just kill someone? A society has rules, and for those violators of these rules we have a justice system. The justice system is not a correctional system, it has to punish the culprits, not only to instil fear in prospective criminals but also to value ‘life’. But when there is no ‘life’ to value, then what’s the punishment for? Taking someone’s life is the most unforgivable and unconscionable sin. The takers of life, need their lives to be taken as well. I have never felt so deeply about capital punishment as I do now, because my blood boils, every time my parents and I have to go to a court hearing and look at the man who drove drunk and reckless and cost my brother’s life. 

I still remember an incident where a 5 year old girl was raped and murdered near my residence in Gurgaon. My first thought of punishment for the rapist and murderer was death. The crime that he committed clearly shows him as incapable of existing and functioning in a society. If he can feel free to rape and murder a 5 year old, then the justice system should feel free to eradicate such monsters from our society to make it a safer place for little girls at least. If even babies aren't safe, what are we headed for then?

I have grown up reading and hearing several terrorist activities that kill hundreds of innocent beings. Armies are deployed to tackle these terrorist organisations and keep their nations' citizens' safe. I have lived in the fear of not knowing whether my father will survive another operation he's embarked upon in the valleys of Jammu and Kashmir. To know that we are sacrificing our nations' sons to defend and keep us safe while there are innocent people dying due to bomb blasts and terrorist attacks, what punishment deems fit to punish those who are killing the innocents?

Nothing but death. How do you expect the survivors or families of the deceased to live with the fact that the ones who changed their lives 180 degrees, still live, breathe and feed even if it is behind bars? It's just not right.

Those who are disturbing peace and the balance in life and the universe, taking matters of life and death in their own hands, need to be given a taste of their own medicine.

Even if terrorists are arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment, it is no news that they end up running their terrorist organisations and rackets from within the jail as well. So, honestly no justice is served till they are punished by death, the same what they did should be done to them.

We know that these are dangerous people committing such heinous acts, and these kind of people cannot be put back into the society for the simple reason, which is safety of others. 

When the Nirbhaya rape case happened in Delhi, I was in class 12, and being a resident of Gurgaon (NCR) we were all really shocked and distressed about the state of affairs in Delhi and NCR when it came to Women’s safety. My brother and I, participated in the candle light march that took place among the residents of Gurgaon, as an extension of the protests that were taking place in Delhi. The kind of discussions and questions that were being raised, the absurd comments by various speakers on television, and eventually the passing away of Nirbhaya, accompanied by the entire juvenile discussion and decision that the court made in favour of one of the rapists, made me extremely angry, thinking of how her parents, her friends are going to breathe and live with the fact that her, rapists are still breathing? 

I started thinking then, of a personal experience of being stalked in the late evening while I was returning from my tuitions, and there was a gang of three ‘Gundas’ who were right behind me, till my mom came to my rescue and I just hopped into her car, absolutely speechless and scared to my wits. And the next day, one of them was riding his bike in semi circles around me and harassing me while I was returning home, again. My friends’ father, a politically active and well networked man, got that guy beaten up and took my brother along to witness the bashing. However, after that my parents and I were even more scared. Fearing an acid attack or worse things that the guy along with his gang, might plot against me, as means of revenge. All of this happened during the time of protests in Delhi in 2012. It made me want to put myself in Nirbhaya’s parents’ shoes, and nothing less than death for all the rapists, seemed even close enough to whatever minimal justice it could serve. While I am completely aware and understand that taking someone’s life isn’t going to bring someone else back, but at least knowing that the perpetrators of such heinous crimes don’t exist anymore, to repeat those acts, and that they and their families have been given the same pain, that one’s own family goes through, it brings at least some solace, because there is nothing worse than knowing that someone who inflicted so much pain upon you and your family, is still alive, breathing and existing, when clearly they don’t deserve it. 

In my clear opinion, any criminal act, wherein the victim either ends up dead, (whether directly or indirectly), or is harmed in a way that is beyond repair and the victim’s entire life is going to be spent in mental or physical trauma or both, that completely changes the victim’s life (for example, rape victims, acid attack victims, murderers, honour killing cases, criminals involved in human trafficking etc.), such criminals deserve to die. No one has the right to take someone’s life and if they do, then they don’t deserve to live. Plain and simple.

“In a submarine either all come up, or none come up. There is no alternative”

Sitting with a large peg of Old Monk and cigarettes, submariner G Factor doesn’t talk to girls, drink, and smoke or eat non vegetarian food on a Tuesday, in lieu of his Bhagwan Hanuman. If one were to meet G Factor in person, they would see a stout and childlike person, jumping all over the place. Unstoppable is the word for him, not just as a hyper child, but also as a true soldier who’s curious to test all kinds of waters (literally) and push himself constantly.

G Factor hails from a village in Jhunjhunu district, Rajasthan and is the third generation of his family to join the Indian defence forces. His grandfather was in the Army and fought in the 1962, 1965 and 1971 wars. His father was in the Army too along with his brother who is currently a Major in the Army. “I always wanted to join the Army, being an Army brat I was almost born with an aim to join the Army but my stars chose the Navy for me”

After getting commissioned into the Indian Navy in 2011, G Factor went on to become a diver and then a submariner. Why? He doesn’t have a fancy story as to why he became a submariner, his ideas in life are pretty straight forward and clear. He likes something, he goes after and gets it. “I saw the submariner badge on another officer and I wanted one too, so I got it”, laughs G Factor.

Under 100 metres of water, there is no distinction between an officer and a sailor. “Unlike ground duty or ship service, we eat with our sailors, take turns using the same two toilets on board and serve with our sailors. The 90 submariners under the water are all that we have as company. No TVs, no cell phones nothing. It’s one for all and all for one.”

Talking about life in a submarine, G Factor says, “We get sad in life when we see someone else with something that we don’t have. But in a submarine everyone has nothing just each other, so sadness is out of the window, everyone is in as deep waters as you”.

With no complaints about food under water he says, “The food is like the ghar ka khaana. It’s the most important thing for a man to function. If the food going in is good, then you can tread any waters”.

Submarines go more than 200 metres under water and work on sonar i.e. sound navigation and ranging technology. “It is a myth that a submarine can be detected by human voices inside a submarine. It is very difficult to detect sonar under water”.

Unlike a warship, where the Captain goes down with a sinking warship, submarines go down with all. “In a submarine either all come up, or none come up. There is no alternative”, says G Factor.

When asked about the biggest challenge that he faces, G Factor smiles and says, “It’s difficult for a single man in the white uniform and a submariner badge, to keep the ladies away”.

NOTE: The name of the officer has been changed upon request.

What is Learning?

I bunked college today, missed my presentations and assignment submissions, and went on a road trip with my friends from Mumbai to Fort Tikona near Lonavala, Maharashtra. 

I kept thinking of my classmates sitting inside four walls, learning, growing and educating themselves for a professional life ahead. But as I drove towards Lonavala, sitting amongst three Indian Naval officers, listening to their conversations about India, China and US defence forces, I wondered if this isn’t learning as well.

Does education mean attending classes for attendance and feeling pressurised about beating your fellow classmates for a better placement to start a never-ending journey of surviving capitalism?

The fear of low attendance in a diploma course filled me up. Looking out of the window at the infinite greenery, as if right out of my favourite novel Jane Eyre, I tried to put that fear out of my mind and just live that moment. The words of my undergraduate professor, Dr. Colaco, echoed in my head, “Stop existing ladies, and start living.”

The green life all around the four of us took us away to a world where money, career and the world outside couldn’t bother us. We were too immersed in capturing the beauty through our eyes, taking a mental picture of the natural beauty that our country has to offer, exploring hidden architectural gems and trekking our way to the top of Fort Tikona.

On reaching the Fort, the moment we saw the scenic view of Pawna village and Pawna Lake, nothing that our lives were made of, mattered. The connection with Nature and Planet Earth, as the Lord made it, the closeness of four friends panting and laughing, made me forget all my fears and mutter to myself, “It was all worth it, Hina.”

Standing atop Fort Tikona, looking at the lake cutting between two mountains of nothing but green, I realised that whether learning from the words of an experienced professor or learning from your own experiences, learning happens everywhere, every time and every place. However, I know I will not be graded for collecting my own experiences. I will be marked absent for not sitting inside four walls and listening to the experiences of my professors and words on papers, but at least I was present for my present and I have no regrets. 

‘What is learning?’ will remain a question for each individual to answer for themselves. If we seek validation and an answer to this exclusively from others, then we'll never be learners, we'll merely be passers of information.

I will be looked down upon, by my parents and teachers for not doing the minimum that is required of a student: attending classes. I will feel ashamed for extending my long weekend to another weekend and travelling, but will these questions matter a few years from now when I will look back at my trek to Fort Tikona and understand how Shivaji laid his Fort defences? 

No they won’t, because who hasn’t bunked college and missed assignments? 

I’m glad I bunked one form of learning, only for another.

My friends at Fort Tikona, who I will forever be grateful to, for taking me along on a beautiful learning experience. 

"Green Tea Is Supposed To Be Had Hot, Hina."

Dated: 9 August 2017

 I Just made myself a cup of hot green tea.

While waiting for it to cool down a bit,

My lips curl up into a smile

I remember your taunt from just few days back,

“Btw, Green tea is supposed to be had hot, Hina.”

And so I decided to take a walk down our memory lane with some words.

No it’s never easy.

If you want easy, then don’t be serious.

No one writes about the uglies and the dirt,     

It’s always about the pretty and the lurve.

But no, it’s never easy.

You stumble, he falls,

Then you walk ahead, leaving him behind,

But then you walk back, lift him up,

dust off their shoulders and teach them love.

To be loved, you need to love first.

For no one knows what it is,

till they’ve seen it and felt it.

The love most talked about after mother, father, siblings and family,

Is the love of two strangers and unrelated humans.

As strangers we meet, whether as friends,

Students, colleagues, classmates etc.

But no it’s never easy.                                                                                                                                Everything takes time.

Time is what builds and heals

Time is what makes you weak.

Weak in the knees for another

And strong to hold on to,

When your better half is under the weather.

No it’s not been easy.

You’ve been you,

I’ve been me

And we’ve struggled with our pieces,

Trying to figure out where it might fit perfectly.

Till the end of times,

Till death do us part,

Till eternity

Blah blah

These are all words used to express and give structure

To a relationship,

Structure to love

But there is no structure to love.

When it’s love it’s just that.

LOVE.

No definition, no expression

Not easy, and something that stays with you forever.

Because till forever we’ll keep trying to finish the puzzle,

But darling,

Our imperfect pieces will complete the puzzle one day.

And that’s the day

We’ll be sitting on a porch sipping on some green tea

While you taunt me“Green tea is supposed to be had hot, Hina”

And I’ll caress your bald head and say

“U**u, we made it.”

That'll be the day when my cold Green Tea will seem hot enough to you.  (:

I miss what i lived

I miss

Being blessed and not knowing it

Being alive in a good time but not appreciating it

Being fortunate but taking it for granted

Being at the end of the tunnel but acting blind

Being happy and not knowing it

Being intelligent but doubting it

Being independent but not aware of it

Sleeping well and enough but always being sleep deprived

Being well fed and healthy yet feeling conscious
Being cheerful but complaining about depression

Being surrounded by population but being a drama queen for attention

Being around people yet looking for silence

Being loved yet not knowing it

Being cared for but wanting a break

Being appreciated but not feeling special enough
Being able to wow crowds with a mike on stage, but worrying about never being as good as Whitney Houston

Being a younger sister but being irritated by an overprotective brother

Being a happy family of four, but fighting over a mother’s love

Being a smiling face in the family selfie, but complaining about being the fat nose of the house

Being healthy but unhappy with my body

Being sprinkles but worrying about being vanilla

Having everything but complaining about having nothing

Having everything perfect but whining about the tiny imperfections

I miss
Being Hina.

Now,

I can just miss, reminisce and kiss,

Miss, the life I was given, with tears in my eyes

Reminisce, the days I was blessed with

Kiss the photographs of the people I had

For, the days are gone

And
Life has now moved on to a time

Where memories and past is all that was good and beautiful

And lies ahead,

A life with a constant pain while hugging your family

Tears gleaming in the laughter with friends

Sorrow accompanying you to bed

Regretting and not thanking enough,

The life I lived

The days it rained happiness

The blessings overlooked

The lights never switched on

The health never appreciated

The people never hugged enough

The egos never pushed aside

The talents never bloomed

The intelligence never penned down

And all wonderful times I owned.

They were mine.

WERE.

For now they are gone.

And will never come back.

If you’re reading this till the end and comprehending,

Here’s what I have to say to you.

Dear Reader,

Don’t miss.
Live. Do.

Live enough, push the boundaries and live a little more.

Don’t underestimate the value of families, siblings, friends, people.

They shape a lot of who we are.

Thank them, love them, live with them

Because, One day when they’re gone,

We’ll have no one to take granted for.
And we'll lose a piece of our own, that we didn't know of.

One day when those good, fortunate days are gone,

We’ll have nothing to take granted for.

Don't be the line of the Band Perry song,

"Funny when you're dead, how people start listening"

Don't wait for your death, to listen to your life

Don't wait for your own-self's death to realise.

Because then they are just memories as frozen as ice,

Melting thereafter, just as tears in our eyes.

Don't wait for your death, to know what you lived.

Picture Credits: Manpreet Singh

My shoes are too big for your feet

You all seem to have something or the other to say

Curses, complaints, whatever suits your ways

She’s not the same, she’s changed

She doesn’t take initiatives, she’s lame

Sadistic, self-pitying, excusing

The most appalling things you people have to say

Now here’s a picture I’m going to paint

I know you’ll fall short of imagination

To comprehend, what I’m trying to say

And I hope and pray you never have to paint one for yourself.

Here’s the picture,

Imagine the 20 years of your life that you’ve lived,

Get topsy turvy and take a 180 degree spin,

Over. Finished. Never coming back.

A new settlement that you have to make with yourself

Each day when you flip the calendar to a new date,

You start thinking of survival ways.

Wake up in the morning,

Wishing you never did.

Look at the clock,

12 hours of the day to go,

Before, again, the nightmares hit.

Take the pills to put you to bed,

It’ll get better with time,

They all said.

It’ll never get better,

The better is over.

What lies ahead the remaining days of life,

Is a new normal.

A normal that is with constant pain, grief and of course unanswered questions for the ways of the universe.

A normal where you’ve known the best days stored in the brain.

Under a file named 20 years and 11 months of my life.

A normal where random tears flow from the eyes,

Of sadness, reminiscence, nostalgia.

And you’re surrounded by humans like you, my dear friends,

Who will never comprehend.

For them, you are not the same,

You have changed.

And you want to scream and shout

To their faces.

This is what you want to say.

YES OF COURSE I HAVE CHANGED.

MY 20 YEARS 11 MONTHS THAT YOU WERE A SMALL PART OF,

THOSE YEARS AND THAT TIME IS OVER.

WHAT LIES AHEAD, IS OF COURSE CHANGED.

MY LIFE TOOK A SPIN I DON’T WISH UPON MY FOES EVEN,

A SPIN THAT HAS MADE ME LOOK AT YOU EVEN DIFFERENT

IT’S LIKE A BAD BRAIN INJURY THAT HAS CHANGED MY COGNITIVE ABILITIES FOREVER

It’s not a hangover that will pass over the day.

You definitely held hands, laughed, played

While the VIBGYOR colored the days of my life

But a friend told me once,

We all praise the rains and wait for it eagerly,

But when the VIBGYOR vanishes and the skies cry,

We run to the nearest shelter and curse,
for it disrupted our daily lives.

I disrupted the way our conversations took place,

I disrupted the cheery mood we shared.

But I’m not going to apologize for causing you this inconvenience

Because the Gods didn’t do it either when they spun my life around.

You go on with your jobs and higher studies,

And I am the happiest for you and shower you with blessings,

I hope you reach the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs,

Get all the success, name, fame, and fortune, whatever you wish for.

But I ask you one thing and only that,

Don’t judge me for my change, where I grieve and survive (and change, I definitely will.)

Because I don’t judge you for your fortunate and happy lives that you live.

Let’s let each other be in peace,

For my shoes are too big for your feet.

The brain is a clever piece of flesh

Memories, Remembrances, Nostalgia, Recollection, Reminiscence

Words, synonyms

All heading the same way

The past.

Brain, the body part that latches on to things, events, happenings

Good, bad, ugly

But it’s a cunning piece of shit,

To always fondly remember the good past

And miss it, wish it back.

And the ugly, thank the lords gladly that it’s over.

The brain be a twisted piece of flesh.

From the moment I open my eyes to the sun in my room,

To the shutting off of lights and pulling up the blanket.

Brain remembers him everywhere,

In everything.

Hope is another dark place

Could lead to more darkness,

Or to the tunnel leading to the light

But it’s better than knowing for sure

Because you don’t know what you don’t know

I would take the past days of uncertainty

Over the current certainty, the reality any day.

The certainty of the changed existence

Of those around me, for all the days left that we survive.

The brain was convulated, Numb, Uncomprehending

For those 3 days

But there was hope,

Hope for things to be eventually alright

But that’s all that it remained

Hope.

Never grew into certainty

But what became certain the 3rd night

When I heard the words,

“His last 2 hours”

It’s over.

The 20 years and 11 months of my life were over.

What lay ahead was a lifetime of Memories, Nostalgia, Remembrance, Recollection, Reminiscence

Of the good days,

Better days,

Of sanity

Because all I could see ahead

And my heart knew,

Was madness, chaos, unfathomable existence

No way out, just the one door

The one door that is survival

Each day at a time.

But the brain,

If only the brain would let me,

This clever piece of flesh,

Recalls an attached memory of his

Everything and every point it notices,

Leeches on to it and refuses to let go.

So even I can’t let go,

And so I survive as the top flesh commands

Remember and recall all attached memories

All to everything.

Everything. Anything.

Everywhere. He is.

Everything.

You’re not here- under our yellow blanket

Dear Mriganka,

When I needed a GPS to my first day in class,

You were there

When I needed to not feel like a loner and sit with someone

You were there

When I needed to know about the different cliques

You were there

When I needed to understand pre-adulthood

You were there

When I needed to feel pretty

You were there

When I needed someone to call a friend

You were there

When I needed to heal from betrayal

You were there

When those who betrayed needed a dose

You were there

When I craved for my favourite Music album

You were there

When I needed to borrow cash

You were there

When I needed to get out for some fresh air or lunch

You were there

When I needed to lie to my mom for a date                
You were there

When I needed a bed after a fight

You were there

When I wanted to rebel and cry

You were there

When I wanted to get drunk with no regrets

You were there

When I had to be alone in class

You were there

When I wanted to talk about my past

You were there

When I just needed someone to listen, not necessarily understand

You were there

Then when I had to leave and go away from you

You were there

When I was excited and you were going to be alone

You were still there

5 years, it’s been my love

And you’re still there

Not in the close proximity that I would want you in right now.

Because I really miss you.

All the good, bad, ugly, drunk, awesome times we’ve had,

And we’re growing up. Damn we’re growing up.

Birthdays and the years that are going by are deciding our lives for us, our future.

I don’t want to grow up. I still want to be a rebel and come crying to you. I still want to be angry and have you bring me back to reality. I still want to be immature and dependent on you. I still want to be able to have your home on the back of my mind always when things aren’t going right.

I still want to be able to tell the world to go to hell in a hand basket because you’re walking distance away from me.

Seas separate us now. Time zones differ. I know our love doesn’t, our bond doesn’t.

But you’re not here.

I love you, yesterday, today, tomorrow, forever.

I miss you every day every moment that my brain functions.

Home is not home without you. This city loses its special meaning and charm for me without you.

My first friend, person, my best friend, soul sister, girlfriend, whatever the fancy terms maybe,

Mriganka Chawla, I’m at a loss of words to try and explain to you how much you mean to me and how much I miss you. Get here soon please. I miss you I miss you , i miss you

My best regards and lots of love

Yours Truly,
Hina Yadav <3
Missing you in our yellow blanket.

Batting them away like a ball- They are we!

He was born like her

For the initial years

They all found it ‘Oh so adorable!’

Gradually while trying to accept who she is,

The eyebrows frowned

The reality struck

The stigma began

It was no longer ‘Oh so adorable’

But rather, deplorable

Freedom of expression?

Right to life?

This was his expression,

This was her life

But the eyeballs,

The whispers,

The gossips,

They made it tough

But he nevertheless went on through to the her

And now as she walks with pride

Taking all the remarks in her stride

Like a ball and bats them away!

Away from the stadium that is her life and dignity

Preserving her stadium,

She is you

He is me

They are we!

Gods’ Handiwork

She struts around in the society

Pretending as if it’s all so dreamy

Little do these unknown faces know

She feels perplexed about how to be himself

When one fine day she decides to be him

But now the world around him is perplexed

Is it her or is it him?

They distance themselves

Ignorant of the existence

Changing the topics and cringing

Not able to fathom the change

But can’t you see

They breathe the same, eat the same,

They feel and bleed the same

They are changed, yes

But just like you.

They are humans

Humans with who changed

But humans nevertheless.

Humans- Gods’ very own special handiwork.

Enough of ‘friends’ and their ‘likes’

I quit Facebook in January 2012.

It started with the deactivation of my user account due to upcoming final examinations, and those two months were such a relief for my brains and my eyes, and not to forget the internet bill, that I went ahead and deleted it once and for all. It has been more than three years now, and I don’t miss a single bit of it. Sure, I miss out on staying ‘connected’ with like lakhs of people, some of who I might have met at a friends’ friend party (or never), and we just know each other by face. Sure, I miss out on the picture updates of the new vacation that my friends took, or my cousin's fiance, but does that make me unaware of what’s happening in my friends’ lives or my ‘closed ones’? Not at all.

In fact, if anything it has made me more aware of the real world that’s around me, real friends who will actually be there for me at midnight, and not just leave a 100 word comment, so easily typed. The gossip next day in the class about who uploaded a drunk picture with who, and whose ex liked the picture and so on, the never ending gossip, and I just think to myself, what is it doing for me?

Because the world works on the 'What's in it for me' mantra.

The trademark ‘like’ on Facebook, is no longer about which friend likes which picture, which used to be a big deal when Facebook initially started out because it was almost as if someone ‘liked’ your picture meant that person is in love with you. Pfft. It’s become even crazier, half the time people like each other’s’ pictures so that the other person would like theirs, and they both get the ‘numbers’. Simply put, I give you the numbers you make me popular, and you do the same for me. Ha!

So since the crazy trend of Orkut and Facebook has been in the light for quite a long time now, the latest trend in the social media sector is to actually socialise. Gradually more and more Facebook users are either deactivating their Facebook accounts or completely quitting, reasons ranging from too many red notification lights blinking on their phones, with friend requests, game requests, etc, or maybe just wanting to get a taste of what’s it like to not be on Facebook for a while, a life without updates about random people’s lives.

A simple argument that former Facebook users put forth is that it’s simply a waste of time. In an article by Anna James, journalist for entrepreneur.com, if a Facebook user spends one hour on the weekdays on Facebook, and 2 hours on the weekends, i.e. Saturday and Sunday, it amounts to 10 hours a week, that’s 4,160 hours, equating to 73 days continuously, or 24 weeks, or six whole months of one’s life is spent on Facebook, and then the question pops up, doing exactly what?

It’s not like it’s this great information gathering activity that one is engaging in, like perhaps reading a book, or newspaper, and yet most of our information and awareness is based on what someone puts up on Facebook, and like the Magic Bullet Media Theory, we just take it all in without questioning or trying to find out the source, because we have full ‘faith’ in our virtual ‘friends’, who are really just fake people on Facebook, but that’s a philosophical debate for another read.

I remember an incident from my first year of college, a girl got up and confidently walked up to the front of the class, facing the professor said, “Ma’am, I would like to share a very shocking fact that I am sure no one is aware of in the class. I don’t think you all know this but Shakespeare was actually a woman, not a man.”

Now that was some accusation, and the professor who quotes Shakespeare and Wordsworth in casual conversations, because she was from the great era of Queen’s English, laughed and asked her the source of this ‘fact’. And NOT surprisingly, it was ‘Facebook’. She just stood there and said “Ma’am, I read it on Facebook”.

Well that was the end of her confidently walking up to share a shocking fact with the rest of her classmates, because it’s Facebook, it’s only called that, it’s not really a book in case you hadn’t noticed my friend.

Gradually more and more people are deactivating their Facebook accounts due to the bombardment of information which is more than half the time, useless.

Saket Kanth, an employee with Dimagi organisation and an inactive Facebook account holder, says, “Sometimes it becomes an excuse to keep a tab on minor activities in people’s lives that are not relevant or quality information. It does form a great network though- best utilized through its messaging and important status updates, but I find the need to break away once in a while so I deactivate it from time to time.”

As a student, I can easily say that Facebook is a big distraction and a hurdle in our lives, from gathering quality and important information from other sources like, novels, newspapers etc. The source of most of our information is Facebook. Even before reading a news on the website of a news agency, we get our half told truths about the event or incident from Facebook, and that is how we end up roaming around with just half the story, least bothered to confirm the facts.

Good news is, times are changing. The importance to be smart and intelligent and not just an avid Facebook user with 10 lakh friends, is gradually spreading. Aman Kumar, a third year engineering student says, “I haven’t quit Facebook, nor am I an active user, I’m somewhere in between. I must’ve deactivated my account a 100 times. I feel it’s useless at times, and really distracting during exams. Deactivating Facebook makes me do more productive stuff. I open Facebook when I am absolutely bored, like maybe 4-5 times a day, and that leads me to think that I could’ve spent that time in a more productive manner. And I am anyways the sort of person who believes more in real meetings like meeting friends face to face and not on Facebook or WhatsApp so I really don’t miss it when I deactivate my account for a few months.”

It’s safe to say that Facebook is not going anywhere, it’s going to stay and it’s here for a long time, because of its effective connecting and networking functions. However, there is a growing need emerging, among users, for a break from Facebook, it could be temporary or permanent, but yes, users are realising that there’s more to life and to internet, for that matter, than just Facebook. And not to forget how it’s more exciting to meet someone after a long time over a cup of coffee, than having to see them every day with their daily updates, and miss out on the little surprising happiness that you experience when you see someone after ages.

Good news: The surprise might just be coming back!

Col. Saurabh Singh Shekhawat- A man of his ambitions

'’Shaheedon mein khada hona aasan nahi hota, jise ishq haqiqi ho wohi gardan katate hai’

-       Col. SS Shekhawat

Colonel Saurabh Singh Shekhawat, of 21 Batallion of the Parachute Regiment (Special Forces), is one of the most decorated, passionate and highly distinguished serving officers of the Indian Army.

Col. SS Shekhawat, born on 18 October 1970, belongs to Alwar district in Rajasthan. He did his schooling from Jaipur, Bikaner and Jodhpur. He joined the army to follow the footsteps of his ancestors and passed out from the Indian Military Academy in the year 1994, and got commissioned in the 17 Maratha light infantry.

Currently posted in Srinagar, Col. SS Shekhawat, was initially an officer of the 17 Maratha Light Infantry but after a year he volunteered for the Parachute regiment, and so began his extraordinary journey in the Special Forces of the Indian Army. He is a passionate mountaineer and has achieved great heights, literally, in mountaineering as well as special military operations in the Indian Army.

Having ascended the Mount Everest for a record third time in 2005, having previously done so in 2001 and 2003, the list doesn’t end there. He has also climbed Kilimanjaro, the highest peak in Africa, and Mount Blanc, the highest peak in the Alps and Western Europe. In October 2009 he led the joint Indo-Kazakh team to scale the Kazakhstan peak of Marble Wall peak in Kazakhstan. Till date Col. Shekhawat has scaled 14 peaks. He started mountaineering in 1997, and as part of training, went to High Altitude Warfare School, located near Gulmarg in Jammu and Kashmir, which is a training and research establishment of the Indian Army.

“Mountaineering is an extreme sport, and the peculiarity of this is that there are no spectators, no cheering party, no one to look at you or cheer you up, you are alone, on your own in the mountain, and it’s all between you and mountain, and when you’re climbing a summit, you’re not conquering a mountain, you’re conquering yourself”, said Col. Shekhawat in an interview to Times Now.

If Col. Shekhawat’s mountaineering record is overwhelming, then his list of awards is even more awesome. He has received numerous awards for his various acts of gallantry displayed in anti-terrorist operations, mountaineering, and distinguished service, namely, Kirti Chakra, Shaurya Chakra, Sena Medal (Gallantry), Vishisht Seva Medal, Samanya Seva Medal, Op Vijay Star, Special Service Medal, Op Vijay Medal, Op Parakram Medal, Sainya Seva Medal, Videsh Seva Medal, 50th Anniversary of Independence Medal, 20 Years Long Service Medal, 9 Years Long Service Medal, United Nations Medal.

 Talking about joining the Special Forces, he says, “I wanted to see action and live an adventurous life and since the time I’ve joined this battalion, I’ve never looked back, whether it is mountaineering, jumping from the aircraft, fighting, I’ve done all of it.”

 Col. S.S. Shekhawat is a man who doesn’t believe in individual efforts and taking all the credit. He is a man of his men, and believes that all the efforts bear fruits when the entire team performs well. He has never been scared of facing reality and is blunt and clear about it. “We are all volunteers. There’s a fire burning inside, and they want to be different, they have that sense of adventure to do something in their lives and they want to seek action and they want to fight. We have chosen this, and we know that once we are in, there’s going be to be a fight, if we perform, we’ll be alive if we don’t we’ll be dead.”

If one were to meet him in person, a strong jawed and muscled man, he can seem very intimidating especially in his strong, bold voice, but the same voice enjoys the occasional laugh with family and friends.

Recalling some childhood insights and instances of Col. Shekhawat, his cousin, Namrata Singh says, “He had always been a very outgoing person. He used to cycle 8-10 kilometres every day, and was physically so strong even at the age of 13, that this one time when a bull was racing towards him, he along with my brother were running away from it, Saurabh turned and caught the bull by its horns and actually fought it! He had always been very patriotic and passionate about the army, and took up new challenges even in everyday life.”

Col. Shekhwat has always held deep passion for fitness, so it comes as no surprise that his hobbies include horse riding, running, weight training and mountaineering.

In a Times Now short video on Col. Saurabh Singh Shekhwat, his junior colleague, describing him, says, “He will never give up. He’s got a very large heart and we feel very comfortable working under him.”

One of the most successful operations conducted by the Indian army called Operation Summer Storm, was under the supervision of Col. SS Shekhawat. In Manipur a 550 sq km stretch of a natural wonder- the Loktak Lake - is the most unlikely habitat for armed militants, but it is on these phumdis or floating grass where militants have always found a safe haven. It is of common knowledge that militants based in the valley have used this lake as a transit base.

But it took the security forces years before they could actually launch a flush out operation. The first one was launched in 2008 but like most army operations it was not sustained and the militants soon found their way back. But Operation Summer Storm was a success, where the army managed to achieve its target without any collateral damage, and Col. SS Shekhawat was awarded the Kirti Chakra for the successful execution of this operation. Talking about Col. Shekhawat’s role in LokTak, Manipur operation another officer says, “We try to emulate his personality and emulate all the qualities that he has. He has a resistance to fear and he took it once step forward, and that is what makes him so great”

Those who have known Col. Shekhawat, describe him as an ambitious, fearless and a patriotic man, who seeks challenges and actions in all aspects of his life. A participant and member of the team that was part of Operation Summer Strom summarizes Col. Shekhawat’s personality in simple terms as, ‘A man of his ambitions, if he sets his eye upon a goal, he doesn’t blink till he achieves it.’

Sources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saurabh_Singh_Shekhawat

https://www.quora.com/Why-is-Lt-Col-Saurabh-Singh-Shekawat-called-the-most-decorated-officer-in-the-Indian-Army

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB9zJ2V8W90

http://www.indianrajputs.com/famous/Saurabh-Singh-Shekhawat.php